Dear Career Sensei,
My boss is lazy, rude, crass and vindictive and I really hate him.
He makes what would have been an otherwise great job stressful and even though I am actively searching for another job, I'm starting to think that it's best I quit now because I fear that I may soon be forced to react to his mood swings and constant condescension by lashing out at him and saying what I really feel about him which could lead to me losing my job on the grounds of insubordination.
Please help because I am at my wits end.
JR
Dear JR,
You are not alone. According to a staffbay.com survey of 15,000 job seekers, a whopping 87.2% admitted they were in the job market because they did not trust or they hated their bosses.
I can tell you a thing or two about having to work with a "horrible boss" because I too have lived through it. You see when I was a junior executive, I had a boss that I was sure hated me because it seemed like she was always picking on me and never seemed to appreciate all the effort and hard work I put into my job.
Like you, I decided to get out of the organization as I was sure that I was never going to grow within the organization as long as I was her direct report. After applying for several jobs with nary a new job in sight, I decided to look inwards and transfer to a different division with the company. As part of the inter-departmental move, I had to explain to our director why I wanted to move and after beating about the bush, I opened up to him that my boss and I were not really getting along and that it had started to affect my performance negatively.
I would share with you what he told me back then as with the passage of time and acquired experiences, his advice has held tried, trusted and true. He stated of all the reasons for changing jobs, the relationship you have with your boss or colleagues while important, should not be top of the list. This is because you are not in control of the way people would behave towards you and what if you change jobs and meet with people with worse off personalities? Are you going to continue to change jobs until you find a job with people with the right kind of personality?
He told me not to focus on my boss's behaviour as there was little I could do to change it but to instead work on managing my own emotions. He asked me not to take her attitude towards me personally as her behaviour could be linked to much larger issues such as stress and advised me to observe and learn why she seemed to treat me poorly for possible triggers and patterns and for me to develop my own strategies for handling her perceived bad temper.
Once I realized not to take her outbursts personally, I started to see things in a different light. I noticed that she was usually at her worst behaviour just before the company's monthly performance meetings and started to empathize with her knowing that those meetings could be brutal.
While I was of the opinion that she was specifically picking on me, I would eventually find out after having a chat with her that she was harder on me than the rest of my colleagues because she expected much more from me as I had worked with her longest.
I also devised coping mechanisms for staying calm whenever she would lose her cool by excusing myself from the office whenever I felt like reacting to her outbursts. I would normally take a walk out of the office to a quiet corner, whip out my phone and go through the pictures of my then baby son. I also learned to become proactive in my dealings with her, I made sure my reports were on time and as error free as conceivable.
Today, several jobs and multiple bosses after; some of who turned out to be worse than she was, I can categorically tell you that the 'horrible boss' you know is better than the 'great boss' you don't know and instead of leaving a job you rightly admitted is a great job because of your poor relationship with your boss, try working towards having a mutually respectful relationship, it may surprise you how instrumental this person may become in your career trajectory.
All the best!
Please send your questions for publication to dearcareersensei@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment